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Sydney, NSW, Australia
Photographer. Writer. 45yo Indo-Fijian Australian. Glam Feminist. Coconuts.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Can Do Anything...

So... we saw 'Limitless' this weekend.  Hmmm... the movie has its limits and I'm not a reviewer so make up your own mind but oh mannnnn... the premise of such incredible neurochemistry blows my mind!!  I would absolutely take that pill.

Would you?  Lets up this ante.  If you were given a choice to
a) take the blue pill which will give you eternal youth and luminous beauty and fame and adulation and you live 'til 150   OR
b) take the red pill which gives you limitless brainpower...but you only live 'til 75...
Which pill would you swallow?

No brainer for me.  The RED pill(although the pill is colourless in the movie, which I thought was rather interesting from a psychological point of view.  Or am I overthinking this sh*t?).

Also...if you took the red pill, what would you do first??  I would learn all the world's languages. 

...I could say I'd save the world...but you don't need superbrains to be altruistic... and really, call me naive, call me delusional, call me Bruce, whatever but... I've always believed I can do anything anyway... within reason. 
Try as I might I can't fly but that won't stop me spreading my wings.
Cue violins.

Ahhh I love synchronicity! As I'm typing this I get an email notification from Seth Godins blog.... read this.

Am wearing one of my classic tees... I have a huge collection of music and superhero t-shirts.  
This one is one of my favourites. 
'The Doors'... one of my favourite bands ever!  
Jim Morrison... 'I am The Lizard King... I Can Do Anything'. 
Wish he didn't mean drugs.  It's life Jim but not as you know it... I love him but seriously... Idiot. 

And my crazy cheetah print arms!  They may appear hideous to you but I'm totally digging them!  

As baffling as this may sound... and at the risk of being misunderstood, I'm being very open and raw here ... I think I look beautiful.  Not because of my skin but in spite of.  [explained further after the jump]

My entire body is like this.  [addendum: 28/01/2014 - my body is still scarred but not noticeably. I don't notice it and no one else does]
...And this is the aftermath of what my entire body and face originally looked like.  
...but... when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see 'ugly'!  My 'rose coloured' synapses have kicked in!  My brainwaves refuse to reflect my skin as being 'not quite right' so the message doesn't seem to be getting through to my brain!
...I see it in others eyes and their "oh you poor thing!" and I'm like "huh? what??"!  And when I say "oh look it could be worse"... I'm not being "brave"*!  . I'm telling the truth.  It could be much worse.  'It' being my position in this world not my condition but yes, condition too because there are no reactive symptoms like pain or itching.  It's just... there.  And more pronounced than it appears in my images.

*[WTF is so brave about living with a temporary skin condition??]

My skin looking like this actually makes me appreciate myself more.  I truly appreciate my looks more, not in a "oh woe is me I used to have nice skin" way (but yes I have looked at old images and thought... sigh...) but... GOD how do I explain this??  I just seem to be finding no fault whatsoever with any part of me. 

I am NEVER going to complain about any part of me again, not that I ever did much because I've always had a rose coloured body image and heavy on the self love. I have a daughter and it is my Womanhood responsibility as a mother, to ensure that she isn't exposed to body image negativity -even something as silly and 'small' as saying "I'm having a fat day, I hate my thighs"- can have a big impact on an impressionable young mind. 

I certainly am very grateful that my body chose to manifest its toxin removal superficially rather than brewing it internally.  Makes me grateful that I only have such a superficial thing to be concerned with...

It could be so much worse.  Not just my condition but my place in the world...

Another thing that I find very amusing is that... I am a very private person.  [I originally wrote a long paragraph about this but deleted it, it's fodder for another post].  Long story short... very ironic that someone as private as me yet with such a public platform gets a condition that can't be hidden.  Unless I wear long sleeves of course.  I've had this for a while...

This skin condition is from my sugar allergy... but... it's not quite that simple and that's why I have never gone in to depth about it. 

My inability to digest sugar aka sweet poison and fructose stems from what I believe is a cortisol overload due to my adrenal glands being shot to hell and back.  My body is suffering from adrenal fatigue.  

My entire life I have run on adrenaline and nervous energy.  I could drink 2 shots of double espressos and have no problem sleeping and ahhh... sleeping... I don't sleep much.  My mind is constantly buzzing.  
I'm not an insomniac.  I have NO problem sleeping.  It's just that I have always ever only needed about 4 hours and there have been times when I have gone 10 days without any sleep.  

So something had to give.  Sleep is SO important to the rejuvenation of our cells and wellbeing.

I'm currently going through, what I believe is a 'healing crisis'.  Due to the healing process I have been undergoing for the last year.  My body is cleaning itself. Anyway this 'healing crisis' isn't actually a crisis, it's the storm before the calm.

The thing is, despite this external toxin manifestation, I am incredibly healthy.  Doctors, specialists and Dermatologists are somewhat baffled by it all but I'm not.  Esoteric practitioners are not either.

I will go in to depth about it some other time and the steps I have been taking to 'purify' my body.  Which makes me sound all saintly and a bit woo-woo but I'm talking about ensuring that my quality of life does not suffer as I get older. 
As far as I'm concerned... my capacity to enjoy life should just get better and better.

Which leads me to this...the start of this post...I do realise simply popping a pill to make you smarter seems on par with money trees and snake oil but... these things exist... nootropics... it's true. 

You can take a pill.  

Maybe not quite at the level as depicted in this movie but they exist. 

If you're curious, I take Gingko Biloba and Brahmi (Bacopa Monnieri ).  Both of these are considered nootropic.  Regardless of their other properties, they work primarily because they oxidise the blood. 
....Now please understand that I am only sharing with you what I do, NOT telling you should do this too. Make up your own mind.  

I did.  I'm making my mind limitless...


I SO don't want to publish this post!!!  But that's exactly the reason why i should.  And now that I have read it I'm thinking...what a lot of self-pitying simpering tosh this is.  Oh well...



Misfits Vintage said...

I was thinking how cheetah-like your arms looked (in a good way!) and how I wanted to touch them (in an appropriate way!) before I read on about your own feelings about your skin... I think you look great! Gorgeous! Unique!

Love your outfit - those primary colours are wonderful and I do love a vintage rock n roll t.

What are you wearing Friday night? I have my outfit already picked out and ready and it involves feathers!

Sarah xxx

Corie said...

I saw the movie yesterday as well and thought that I would so take that pill. Just to utilize ALL of your brain...

I would definitely learn as many languages as I could, and learn the stock market.

Polka Princess said...

OMG D! I'm always ever so inspired by you!!! You rock - whatever state your skin is in! Thanks for sharing such amazing & lovely thoughts always........and am not saying this just coz you wrote (& published) saying this coz I've made up my mind about it!! :)

Lee Oliveira said...

I love when girls wear band t shirts.. You look amazing.
Lee x

annie said...

When I first saw your arms I thought they were pretty. I know, I'm weird.

I loved this post.

I think you are so confident, and a skin condition couldn't change that.

I haven't seen that movie, but now I want to! And I would take a red pill too. :)

I also think they are saying you are 'brave' meaning confident to not care to go out in public showing your arms, because there are a lot of people who wouldn't.

As a side note ...I was thinking today that I never see myself as a failure, and I have never failed at something. I simply just need to try harder, or dedicate more time to it....This post just reminded me of that though.

Leia said...

I would take the red pill! And first... I would try to understand all the sciency and mathematical 'stuff' that makes up the world and the cosmos and everything!

My lovely Dusk, I think you look beautiful too. I don't think any 'allergy' or 'ugly' or 'you poor thing' when I see you. It's just something that happens... I have skin problems too (ezcema) and it doesn't make me feel ugly, it's just something that I have to deal with sometimes. And I think it's wonderful that you're trying to set a good example for your daughter and show her that there's no reason to have body image negativity.

Oh, and lastly... sleep more! :P


Upasna said...

Yes the red pill.

While the decision to take a red pill isn't that hard, the decision to follow through and realistically 'do it' is much much harder. because, I think in our conditioned minds, it's hard to think limitlessly, no matter how convinced we are that it's the right thing. And I don't even know where to begin to say, how I love this post.

sacramento said...

I knew you were a free spirit and a woman with wings, my dear friend.
I am with you 100%.
I am sooooooooo happy to have found you.
Much love.

stanimalandannimal said...

You've already taken the red pill! And I believe you can fly, because you soar high above the ignorant self hatred that most people succumb to!! You are so beautiful and unique, and I feel honored to experience you!! MWAH!!!

Oh to Be a Muse said...

although i would love some adulation, i don't think i'd want to live to be 150. that just seems wrong. so i guess i might go for the red pill too.

i had no idea you had this skin condition, but i love your take on it. since your body is cleansing away those sugar toxins, then i guess it's a good thing. but it really doesn't matter as you always look fantastic.

Elle Enchanted said...

Dusk, thank you so much for being brave and sharing this! You're one AMAZING woman. and GORGEOUS to boot in spite of a skin condition. Beauty shines from within. Always. and you have the confidence to rock any look. Even a simple tshirt. Love it. I need to see this movie, it sounds fabulous and I love the inspiration. And if I had to pick a pill (personally I'd pick neither and work to learn all on my own)- I'd pick the red one!

bollywoodstylediaries said...

I would take the red pill too! Beauty is temporary, dumbness lasts forever:-)

love ur tee!

do you have just skin allergies or even respirational issues?

you are perfect example how beauty is not skin deep:-)

shooting star said...

blue pill for i already have brains ..or so i guess!!!....
anyways, seriously i would not take any pill!!! loving the way i am!!....

liking ur black lizard king tee...i got a thing for black tees!!

Prutha said...

ur take on life is very inspirational in many ways dusk!! and iu am glad i know u... even if only virtually.,.. u look fab and who can take that away from u? too much importance to the physical appearance is futile anyway i feel.. its the way you enjoy your life and live it thats way more imp.. life is sooo beautiful, how can we let little things like this occupies our minds right?

im taking the red pill for sure too


Tanvi said...

Can I just stay the way I am? I think having too much 'intelligence' will be as harmful for my well being as being a bit too dumb will be :P

If there is anyone who can do ANYTHING - That would be YOU! You are beautiful ... and baring yourself naked is just the testament of that :)

♡ from ©

thesydneygirl said...

Hiiii miss dusk! how are you lovely! it's nice to read your thoughts on different matters. And i think it's fab that you see the beauty in/on yourself. I do too, and you look GORGEOUS! I find it hard to express what I think and feel, and it seems like it comes so easily to you. You're so lucky! I totally understand you!

the sydney girl

Dusk said...

Hello lovelies... thank you for your amazing comments, such lovely thoughts shared... I very much appreciate them. More than I could ever convey here.

Mulika said...

Okay, one thing at a time - OMG! Why do I not have colour matching / blocking skills you naturally seemingly do. Grrr! Those two hues mixed up are to die for (Not in the Limitless way but I digress...) I am savng the image for colour inspiration :)

Secondly, I refuse to ever apologise for my ridiculous collection of Threadless t-shirts - love them on my chill days and my daughter loves knowing they get passed on to her naturally ;)

Lastly, as someone that suffers from pretty unsightly Psoriasis. All over my skin bar my scalp (Thank the Lord because that is the most painful area), I have had to grow up my body-confidence nodule fast! Especially working in an industry where being without much on in front of lots is pretty much the norm. My Psoriasis is stress induced so at least I get some respite for at least 3 months of the year. I respect the fact that you are saying something of such major important and that has really resonated with me; by stating that you have a girl child and the last thing you want is her picking up some pathology from you regarding her own body.

What a great inspiring mind-set you hold and that is all I really wanted to say :)

This is where I should get all British and apologise for leaving an essay where one was not required but I am still mainly African so I shan't :p

My name is Mulika, pop round and say hello sometime!


Rock'n Roll Ballerina said...

Love those blue pants, looks great:)

Ashley said...

You are beautiful inside and out, Dusk.

Ashley said...

and with regards to the pill, I reckon I would take the blue pill and use my fame, fortune and beauty to fund my way around the world to raise money for all sorts of different groups... I wouldn`t have to work and could get stuck in, boots and all, for double the amount of time, with all the adoring people with big cheque books to fund it!

Like you I don`t sleep with a mind constantly buzzing... and that`s using a VERY tiny portion of it... imagine 100%?! Even that 4 hours a night would be gone... it exhausts me to even think of all the thoughts I would be thinking with 100% brainpower! Would you be able to steady your mind long enough to concentrate on something, without drifting off to the next thought? Maybe I`m over-thinking it...

Unknown said...

Hey you blogger, I'm Daniel. I'm sorry not to speak at all about your blog. I need you to please tell me if you know where to get that lizard king tee design. I used to own a tee shirt with just the same design but with different colors except for the sunset on the glasses, all on a beige background color. I miss that so much and saw your picture. I wish you knew. If so or have any clue please let me know. I'll appreciate it a lot. I'm not a blogger, I don't blog. I got into this site just to ask you this.
Her's a picture of me with the tee I used to own:
Wish you read this and answer. Bye.

Bella Q said...

Before I even read your answer, I screamed outloud: the red pill!

Not sure what I would do with all that brainpower, but I'd drink in the world.

Your arms: cheetah spots. Your mind: cheetah fast.

I too deal with healing crisis, coming and going- I've dealt with adrenal fatigue and CFS for almost 2 decades (it's my unspoken/telling secret) and somedays I feel pity for myself, and most days, I know that the trigger of it, the pain of it, gave me the compassion I have for others, and the self-love I've learned to give to myself. Because of it, I learned to listen to my body, and honor it. And perhaps, slow down a bit, and take things easy.

Who knows? I do know that I needed to read this post, see the spots, and hear the message coming from your mind, with your words in this format. Thank you friend. You are beautiful.